Ten Reasons to Follow the Premiership

As an American it's easy to assume that if something isn't big here then you aren't missing much. The rest of the world dislikes us for this world view, which may lead to our demise politically, but you could do worse as far as rules of thumb for seeking out entertainment. But we've missed the boat on what everyone else calls football for decades. Football/soccer is awesome if you can get past the screaming and weeping. It's one thing to flop for a call, but how can you look anyone in the eye after moaning hysterics over getting your foot stepped on? Frankly that part never gets any easier. Nevertheless, world football is terrific theater. I recommend climbing aboard, starting with the English Premiership, for the following ten reasons: 

1. The perfect DVR sport.

With no overtime, timeouts or commercials*, you don’t need to add time to the recording**. Fast forward through halftime and you can ease the full game day experience into your life in under 100 minutes. And unlike an NFL or NBA game you won’t be bombarded with updates via the radio in your car or the ticker at the bar if you can’t watch it for a day or two.

*Did you catch that? There. Are. No. Commercials.

**Don’t forget to add an hour if it’s a tournament elimination game.

2. The time zone difference.

Whether you utilize DVR or not, there’s no better use for sports than unwinding on the weekend. I don’t know about you, but my days don’t start at 1pm. Waking up at 7am just in time to catch a little pregame is glorious.  

3. The Premier League Review Show.

Every Sunday night you can catch up on the entire weekend of league play in 60 minutes; more like 40 if you DVR and fast-forward like a rational person should in the year 2012. Each game is given more attention and respect in that hour than small market games receive from the ESPN universe in an entire day. You’ll get a comprehensive but concise feel for the match, and the original broadcast is usually retained in lieu of a dorky anchor dropping snark and spoilers. Once again, it’s highly unlikely that any scores will get ruined for you in advance. After several years I'm convinced- the EPL is the perfect league to follow if you have a life.

4. The Transfer Windows

More kids probably dream about being a GM these days than being a player. Fantasy sports. Trade rumors. Mock drafts. The transfer windows are all of them rolled into one. Imagine that your favorite NBA team has the need and means to add a big man as the trade deadline approaches. Only instead of reading about Kurt Thomas, your team has been linked with about two dozen options including Anthony Davis, a Brazilian guy they keep comparing to Kevin Garnett, and the long lost Gasol brother currently dominating in Spain.

5. It’s never hopeless.

Unless you’re a cherry-picker you almost certainly find yourself stuck pulling for a loser or two in sports that you otherwise love. The good news is that you won’t have that problem here. How do I know that? Because you don’t inherit a hometown dog or an Atlantic Ten alma mater in the EPL. You get to pick your team. More accurately your team picks you.  If you begin to follow the Premiership you’ll inevitably be drawn to a certain club- and that club won’t be terrible unless you’re a masochist. You’ll watch them more. You'll start to love their players. It snowballs, and you end up with a decent team to support without the front-runner's shame. 

6. There is always something going on.

You’ve got Premierships matches most weekends and on the occasional weekday. But that’s only the beginning. English league play is supplemented by Carling & FA Cup fixtures throughout the year. And of course there's the UEFA Champion’s League and the FIFA Club World Cup. Mix in some international friendlies and regional qualifiers leading up to the World Cup & European Championship. And there’s much, much more if and when you’re so inclined. The guy who dominated in the World Cup? The team you liked the Champs League? That player your club has been linked with? They'll lead you to more and more action. It never ends*.

7. No Oversaturation.

*It never ends, unless of course you want it to. In this country the sport is served strictly a la carte- watch what you want and leave the rest. Sounds pretty basic but it's not. You’ll never hear Neil Everett drop the same smarmy one-liner about your team’s losing streak four times in your sleep because you passed out to SportsCenter. You’ll never hear local radio hosts and callers rail about who should be the backup keeper. Set your DVR, find a couple websites that you enjoy, and that’s it. You’ll get exactly as much soccer/football as you want- no more, no less.

8. The Jargon.

You’ve got the game on DVR and the outcome is decided. You lean over to fast forward….but you can’t bring yourself to do it and miss out on all the wonderfully absurd announcing quirks. Some of it is English slang, some of it is simply a turn of phrase, but it’s all awesome. A low-percentage strike is ambitious. A hard-working player is industrious. A confident shot is struck with aplomb. An audacious attempt is cheeky. It’s delightful.    

9. The Crowds.  

The only thing that has soiled the viewing experience in this country worse than media timeouts are the pop music and jumbotron featurettes that play ad nauseum. But your senses will not be assaulted before, during or after a Premiership fixture. Everything is organic, and nearly every stadium is packed with passionate fans wearing the same colors and chanting the same songs. It’s pretty impressive when you see close to 50,000 people rally together on a Wednesday night to watch Sunderland play Bolton. But there’s a reason they do it…

10. Promotion, Relegation & Qualification.

This three-pronged system ensures that there is always something worth fighting for in English football. You want to win the league. If not, a top four finish is a fine consolation because you qualify for next season’s Champions League. If that goes by the wayside you want to qualify for Europa League play. If Europe falls off the table altogether then you’re fighting for your very place in the Premiership, because the bottom three clubs are relegated every year. And you’ve always got the domestic Cups. There is ALWAYS something to fight for. Queen’s Park Rangers are currently in 17^th place. Their club history is highlighted by finishing second in 1975. Their stadium seats 18,000, making it the 9^th largest in London. So why are QPR fans proudly supporting their club in mid-April? To start with, they won England’s second division last year to earn promotion to the Premiership for the first time in fifteen years, displacing historic cross-town club West Ham United among others. If they can maintain their hold on 17^th they will be in the top flight again next year; if not they head back down. Unlike fans of the Pirates or Browns, QPR fans can take pride in simply being a big league team in a nation of 7,000 registered clubs. It's an honor worth fighting for, and an honor worth rooting for.